


My Lover's the Sunlight

by SlytherinWarriorSlayer



Series: The 100 Femslash February Challenge [6]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Asexual Relationship, F/F, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 07:24:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3319010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinWarriorSlayer/pseuds/SlytherinWarriorSlayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationship ft. an ace or aro character. Warning: Self harm. I didn’t want to make Clarke’s sexuality into a big thing. Lexa runs away and Clarke searches day and night to find her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Lover's the Sunlight

Commander Lexa of the Tree Clan had been missing for ten hours before people had started to worry. Indra and several other grounders had turned to Clarke for help. Everyone knew they were close, though they didn’t know how close and that the commander listened to her. They didn’t so much as ask for help as demand for it. Clarke was worried about Lexa herself and so agreed to find her.

Octavia, Lincoln, Indra and Bellamy offered to go with her, as well as some Tree People that she didn’t know the names of; but Clarke though it best if she found Lexa on her own. Clarke asked Indra where Lexa had been seen last, she didn’t know and so they went to the Tree Clan village, home to Commander Lexa, and asked the people there. One woman said she had seen Lexa going west into the trees and pointed out the place she started from.

Clarke found the trail left behind by Lexa and followed it. Finn had taught her all he had known about tracking and so put those skills to use now. Clarke had been on Lexa’s trail for a day now and didn’t know how much longer it would take to find her but she pushed on anyway. Thirty six hours after she had started to follow the trail, it had led her to an old wooden cabin. Clarke pulled out her dagger in case someone or something else was inside.

Then she slowly opened the door and let out an involuntary loud gasp at what she found. Lexa was on the floor, slumped against the side of the bed, legs stretched out and arms out to the sides. There was a bloody knife on the floor next to Lexa and several deep cuts on each of her arms; blood was seeping out and onto the floor making a big puddle. Clarke didn’t know how long Lexa had been like this.

She put her knife away as she walked over to Lexa’s side, careful not to injure the young woman further. She put two fingers on her neck to check for a pulse, it was there but was faint. Clarke got her med kit out of her bag, that her mom had forced her to take and was now glad that she had, and got some anti-septic wipes and bandages. Clarke carefully and quickly cleaned the wounds and wrapped them with the cloth bandages.

She then picked Lexa up bridal style and put her on top of the bed, covering her with the worn blanket. Clarke sat on the bed next to Lexa, avoiding touching her arms and stroked her hair back away from her face; placing a kiss on her forehead. She was worried about the commander and didn’t know why she had done it. Clarke got up after a few minutes and cleaned up the blood on the floor as best as she could with anything she could find around the cabin. 

Then she picked up Lexa’s knife and wiped the blood off it as best as she could. When she had done that she sat next to Lexa again and waited for Lexa to wake up, watching over her as she slept. It was several hours before Lexa fluttered her eyes open. Clarke gave her a small smile and helped her to sit back against the wall. “Why did you do this Lex?” Clarke asked in a soft voice. Lexa started crying and looked away from Clarke.

Clarke moved on the bed so she could face Lexa but not too far away. “Please talk to me” she pleaded, taking Lexa’s hand in her gentle grasp. “I want to help you if I can”.

“I…It doesn’t matter Clarke” Lexa tried to dismiss her.

“It matters to me Lexa” Clarke told her, turning her head so she could look her in the eyes. “You matter to me”.

Lexa was still crying and Clarke stroked her cheek, trying to give at least some comfort. “I just wanted it to stop. I just wanted it all to just stop. I wanted to stop feeling like this” Lexa admitted through her tears. Clarke hated seeing Lexa so broken, she never wanted to see her so hurt, she wanted Lexa to be happy; but she would be there whenever Lexa needed her.

“Feeling like what?” Clarke asked, stroking the back of the hand she was still holding.

“It’s my fault. It’s all my fault and I don’t deserve to be here Clarke. They all died because of me! The people who got took to Mount Weather. The people who got burnt alive when I sent them after your people. The people who died fighting for me. Costia…all of them. They’re dead because of me!” Lexa sobbed, her eyes now red from her tears, visible because of the absence of her war paint.

“It’s not your fault Lexa. You listen to me. It is not your fault. The Mountain Men are responsible for the people who got captured, not you. There was nothing you could do to stop them, they’re better armed than you are. I’m the one who is responsible for the deaths of the people burnt alive. I ordered my people to do that. The people who died for you in battle, knew what a high possibility it was and they agreed to fight for you any way. Because you inspire the people around you, with your intelligence, your bravery and your courage. You do what needs to be done and they respect you for that. Costia was not your fault either. The leader of the Ice Nation is responsible for what happened to her. You’re not at fault for loving someone and making them happy. Certain things have to be done when you’re at war and those things do not make you who you are.” Clarke told her.

Clarke moved forwards and wrapped her arms around Lexa, letting her cry into her chest. “You’re not a bad person Lexa and no one is blaming you for their deaths.” Clarke murmured into her ear. Lexa cried until she could cry no more and still clung to Clarke when the tears had dried on her cheeks.

“But if she hadn’t been my girlfriend, she would still be alive…and now” Lexa argued weakly.

“That still doesn’t make it your fault Lex.” Clarke told her, “And now what?”

“No…you’ll hate me” Lexa mumbled.

“I won’t hate you Lexa. I’ll never hate you and I’ll never leave you. You’re stuck with me no matter what now” Clarke whispered.

“The same thing that happened to Costia is going to happen to you” Lexa said so quietly, Clarke almost couldn’t hear her.

“Why is it?” Clarke asked.

“Because I’m in love with you and so they’ll do what they did to her to get to me” Lexa answered.

“No they won’t. I can take care of myself. Plus I have my big, strong warrior commander to protect me. And all the people under our command.” Clarke replied. “I love you too”

“You do?” Lexa asked, leaning back to look at Clarke.

“I do” Clarke confirmed, smiling at Lexa, her eyes shining with all the love she felt for the brunette.

They leaned in at the same time to share a loving kiss. The kiss was soft and languid and conveyed all the emotions they held for each other. They moved back on the bed, Lexa laying down on her back with Clarke lying on top of her. Clarke buried her hands in Lexa’s long hair and Lexa ran her hand lightly up and down Clarke’s back. As they kissed she moved her hands down to Clarke’s ass. “I’m asexual” Clarke told her, breaking the kiss.

“I know, Octavia told me, I just wanted to feel your ass.” Lexa told her, “Is that ok?” Clarke didn’t answer her she just kissed her again, shutting her up. They continued like that for a long while until they fell asleep in each other’s arms.


End file.
